{"id":2212102,"date":"2024-11-10T15:19:37","date_gmt":"2024-11-10T23:19:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/?p=2212102"},"modified":"2024-11-27T09:56:02","modified_gmt":"2024-11-27T17:56:02","slug":"responses-when-kids-have-public-meltdowns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/responses-when-kids-have-public-meltdowns\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Responses to a Public Meltdown, Based on Your Kid&#8217;s Personality"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Ah, public <a href=\"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/the-best-way-to-avoid-a-meltdown-when-ipad-time-is-over\/\">meltdowns<\/a>. Sure, they&#8217;re inevitable (there&#8217;s a lot going on in those tiny brains!), but that doesn\u2019t mean we can\u2019t equip ourselves with the right <a href=\"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/calming-phrases-to-avoid-toddler-tantrums\/\">tools to deal with them<\/a> in the moment. After all, kids aren\u2019t losing their minds to make your life difficult, they\u2019re doing it because it&#8217;s the only way they know how to express themselves. It\u2019s up to us parents and caregivers to help them develop coping mechanisms that will allow them to self-regulate in the future.<\/p>\n<p>In a recent TikTok, Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta, co-founder of <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.guidingcooperation.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Positive Parenthood<\/a>, breaks down four responses that can help diffuse a public meltdown without threats, bribes, or completely shutting a child down\u2014and each one is catered to a different type of kid.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@drchelsey_parenting\/video\/7384231995045530926\" data-video-id=\"7384231995045530926\" data-embed-from=\"oembed\" style=\"max-width:605px; min-width:325px;\">\n<section> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"@drchelsey_parenting\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@drchelsey_parenting?refer=embed\">@drchelsey_parenting<\/a> <\/p>\n<p>Replying to @Sonder <\/p>\n<p> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"\u266c original sound - Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7384232019758156586?refer=embed\">\u266c original sound &#8211; Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta<\/a> <\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p>Hauge-Zavaleta prefaces the four responses with a disclaimer: If your child starts saying things like \u201cI don\u2019t want to be here.\u201d \u201cI am so bored.\u201d \u201cI want to go home!\u201d you need to take them to the edge of whatever public place you\u2019re in to separate them from all the excitement and other people. Your child will be able to hear you, and you\u2019ll have created a better opportunity to get through to them. \u201cThe edge of the grocery store, the edge of the park, somewhere private,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<p>Then she wants you to say and do one of these four things, based on the kind of child you have:<\/p>\n<h3>1. If you have a kid who gets \u201changry\u201d often.<\/h3>\n<p>If you\u2019ve got a kiddo who plays hard and, like clockwork, starts to lose it if they haven\u2019t had a snack by a certain point, this is what Hauge-Zavaleta recommends: \u201cSit down and silently start peeling an orange or a banana, any food you have on hand. Don\u2019t use words on this kid. Do not ask if they want the food. Just hand them the peeled orange or whatever food you\u2019ve got, and model good breathing.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>2. If your kid struggles with sensory overload.<\/h3>\n<p>Public spaces are filled with noise, lights, smells\u2014the works. According to Hauge-Zavaleta, the first thing you need to do for a kid struggling with overload is to make the environment easier to manage: give them a pair of headphones, turn off the lights, etc. Then she says to use a soft, melodic voice to speak with your child and remind yourself they aren\u2019t behaving this way to stress you out. The environment is just too much.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Related:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/prevent-transitions-meltdown-tip\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">This One-Word Switch Prevents Kid Meltdowns When Leaving Somewhere Fun<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<h3>3. If your kid is all about \u201cfairness.\u201d<\/h3>\n<p>To some kids, it\u2019s the world against them, and nothing is \u201cfair.\u201d If this is your kiddo, Hauge-Zavaleta recommends using <a href=\"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/3-yes-questions-angry-kid\/\">three &#8220;yes&#8221; statements<\/a> to validate your child\u2019s feelings without catering to their requests. For example, \u201cYou really didn&#8217;t want to come here today.\u201d \u201cThis sucks, and you are counting the minutes till we get home.\u201d \u201cYou hate it here and can&#8217;t believe mama brought you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Hauge-Zavaleta explains, \u201cThis is not to fix the problem. This is just to get your child back into a state of regulation. If you get their perspective wrong, you&#8217;re absolutely going to know and then you need to try again. You cannot force these kinds of children to have a delightful time just because you&#8217;re having a delightful time, and you need to recognize that it\u2019s okay to be unhappy about whatever family event you\u2019re at.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She reminds us that parents should use a soft, positive voice, and try to understand that their child\u2019s perspective on the event or situation will be different than their own.<\/p>\n<h3>4. If your kid loves a routine and has a hard time with change.<\/h3>\n<p>So you\u2019ve got a Type-A child who thrives in knowing what comes next. That\u2019s great for many reasons, but in big public settings, this type of child can be thrown way off if things change without warning or too much is happening. Here\u2019s what Hauge-Zavaleta recommends: Don\u2019t label their feelings. Don\u2019t tell them they\u2019re just being shy or they need to learn how to go with the flow. Simply ask questions and be curious about your kids\u2019 state of mind so they can tell you how they\u2019re feeling, not the other way around.<\/p>\n<p>If they\u2019re using loud language, do not respond to it. Instead, use a soft and whispering voice to help them move on to the next step. She says visuals can be useful as well. Draw a picture of what is happening first, and then what is happening next.<\/p>\n<p>These responses are effective if you\u2019ve done the legwork before even leaving the house. As Hauge-Zavaleta explains, \u201cIt\u2019s about realizing what kind of support your child needs at the moment. It\u2019s also about changing your mindset from \u2018they&#8217;re throwing a meltdown because they don&#8217;t want to be here&#8217; to &#8216;they&#8217;re throwing a meltdown, and I&#8217;m the one who can help them get out of it.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Related:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/sensory-regulation-activities-to-help-prevent-tantrums\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">5 Easy Sensory Activities That Help Prevent Meltdowns &amp; Tantrums<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Do these responses mean your child gets their way and you leave the event or gathering? Not at all. As parents, we can have boundaries, but we also need to answer our kids&#8217; call for help when they&#8217;re melting down in public\u2014and catering our response to their needs makes the process a whole lot easier.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Without threats, bribes, or completely shutting your kiddo down. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":45456004,"featured_media":2212208,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"city":[551419385],"ml_tag_age":[700852499],"ml_tag_interest":[700852729,700853790,700852672,700852675,700854547],"ml_tag_season":[700852448],"ml_tag_holiday":[700852449],"class_list":["post-2212102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotions","category-kids","category-parenting","category-raising-kids","category-toddler","city-national","ml_tag_age-adults","ml_tag_interest-family-event","ml_tag_interest-grocery-store","ml_tag_interest-how-to","ml_tag_interest-sensory-activities","ml_tag_interest-sensory-overload","ml_tag_season-all-seasons","ml_tag_holiday-non-holiday"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v20.5 (Yoast SEO v22.0) - 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