{"id":2029427,"date":"2025-04-05T07:00:55","date_gmt":"2025-04-05T14:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/what-to-say-to-your-kids-on-the-car-ride-home\/"},"modified":"2025-04-07T19:02:35","modified_gmt":"2025-04-08T02:02:35","slug":"what-to-say-to-your-kids-on-the-car-ride-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tinybeans.com\/what-to-say-to-your-kids-on-the-car-ride-home\/","title":{"rendered":"The Only 2 Things to Say to Your Kid After a Game"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Imagine if every time you took the garbage out or loaded the dishwasher someone offered\u00a0<i>helpful<\/i>\u00a0tips on how to do it more efficiently. Now imagine if, after every meal, someone in your family gave a critique of the food and made suggestions for the next meal.<\/p>\n<p>How would you feel? Well, I know how I would feel: deflated, frustrated, and unmotivated.<\/p>\n<p>Without realizing it, this is basically what some parents are doing to their children after every practice or game. As soon as the child leaves the field, Mom or Dad starts in.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, it\u2019s friendly tips that are meant to be helpful. Sometimes, it\u2019s more commanding advice, like &#8220;Swing with more power&#8221;\u00a0or &#8220;Pay more attention to the ball.&#8221;\u00a0Other times, parents just ask so many questions they exhaust their children (who are already tired from the game).<\/p>\n<p>I can tell you with confidence that all children\u2014and I mean <i>all\u00a0<\/i>children\u2014hate the questions and constructive criticism. Young athletes start to dread the car ride home because they know they are held captive with nowhere to exit. The analysis of the game and the helpful hints completely suck the fun out of the game.<\/p>\n<p>What\u2019s worse, that fleeting car ride can have a lasting, if unintended, effect.<\/p>\n<p>In my practice as a family coach, I see it time and time again. A child has loved sports for many years. Then all of a sudden, <em>poof<\/em>, he or she has no interest in ever playing again\u2014and the parents are left scratching their heads.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s all too common.\u00a0Up to 70 percent of youth athletes stop playing the game by age 13, according to a\u00a0survey conducted by <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/usatodayhss.com\/2017\/study-70-percent-of-kids-stop-playing-sports-by-13-years-old\">The National Alliance for Youth Sports<\/a>. The reason? Heartbreakingly, because the game is no longer fun.<\/p>\n<p>Even the most well-intentioned parent can ruin the fun by being overly invested in the outcome of a game or the growth of their player. (And it\u2019s a shame because, besides being fun, playing a sport is shown to improve academic outcomes, lower the risk of alcohol and drug use, reduce unexpected pregnancies, and improve social relationships.)<\/p>\n<p>I know it\u2019s hard not to share what you see from the sidelines. I know parents are just trying to connect with their children. But, more often than not, it\u2019s not working.<\/p>\n<p>The good news? There\u2019s an easy fix. Greet your player when the game is over in one of two ways, and you will revolutionize the way your child feels about being on the team.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Option 1:<\/strong>\u00a0&#8220;<i><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mojo.sport\/coachs-corner\/the-only-six-words-you-need-to-know\/\">I love to watch you play<\/a>.&#8221;<\/i><\/p>\n<p><strong>Option 2: &#8220;<\/strong><i>Where should we go for ice cream?&#8221;<\/i><\/p>\n<p>By telling your child how much you enjoy seeing their effort,\u00a0<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mojo.sport\/coachs-corner\/the-science-of-winning-and-its-not-what-you-think\/\">win\u00a0or\u00a0lose<\/a>, you are conveying support and reinforcing the joy of the game. I see so many young players immediately looking into the stands to see a parent\u2019s reaction to a goal or a great defensive move. They want\u2014no, they\u00a0<i>crave<\/i>\u2014the\u00a0<a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mojo.sport\/coachs-corner\/the-importance-of-positive-feedback\/\">positive affirmations<\/a>\u00a0from their parents.<\/p>\n<p>So, give it to them.<\/p>\n<p>(This also goes for those parents glued to their phones on the sidelines. Look up! You want to be there to catch their eye.)<\/p>\n<p>The more you focus on the joy of watching them\u2014not winning, not technique, not strategy\u2014the more they\u2019ll actually enjoy playing (and, not incidentally,\u00a0the more likely they\u2019ll actually improve).<\/p>\n<p>Now, ice cream after a game isn\u2019t always necessary. But, win or lose, it sure is nice.<\/p>\n<p><em>Catherine Pearlman, Ph.D., LCSW, is a therapist, avid youth sports parent, and founder of <\/em><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/thefamilycoach.com\/\">The Family Coach<\/a>. <em>This post originally appeared on <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mojo.sport\/coachs-corner\/what-to-say-and-not-to-say-on-the-car-ride-home\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">MOJO<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It has nothing to do with praising their effort.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":187728422,"featured_media":2207739,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"tags":[175135144,866236],"city":[551419385],"ml_tag_age":[700852484,700852482,700852483,700852499,700852432],"ml_tag_interest":[700855691,700852717,700855520,700854481,700855893,700852965,700852880,700856201,700853260,700852672,700852466,700852609,700853385,700852857,700854989,700853015,700855521,700854444,700855019,700854364,700855519],"ml_tag_season":[700852448],"ml_tag_holiday":[700852449],"class_list":["post-2029427","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kids","category-parenting","category-parenting-advice","category-tweens-and-teens","tag-natl-feed","tag-spoke","city-national","ml_tag_age-10-to-13-years","ml_tag_age-3-to-5-years","ml_tag_age-6-to-9-years","ml_tag_age-adults","ml_tag_age-all-ages","ml_tag_interest-alcohol","ml_tag_interest-car","ml_tag_interest-criticism","ml_tag_interest-dishwasher","ml_tag_interest-drug","ml_tag_interest-fun","ml_tag_interest-game","ml_tag_interest-glue","ml_tag_interest-growth","ml_tag_interest-how-to","ml_tag_interest-ice-cream","ml_tag_interest-know-how","ml_tag_interest-lose","ml_tag_interest-meal","ml_tag_interest-outcome","ml_tag_interest-ride","ml_tag_interest-scratch","ml_tag_interest-sport","ml_tag_interest-therapist","ml_tag_interest-win","ml_tag_interest-young-athletes","ml_tag_season-all-seasons","ml_tag_holiday-non-holiday"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v20.5 (Yoast SEO v22.0) - 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